Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Azordon - Ascension (Review)




Well, its me again, here to tell ya I have not quit TF zine just yet and maybe if I stop procrasina-tiiing it will be here to stay ok? Anywho, I am gunna start off with a new review by the wonderful man that is Alexion "Makumba" Azordon that hails from Planet Fata Morgana! yay!!!!! aka Cleveland Ohio.

Alex's new album Ascension is his 10th full length album (Not is 18th or 11th) drenched in madness, ohmazing riffs and space station cosmic chaos! The songs list was played in ABC order when I heard it so Ascension kicked on loud and boily into my ears. This is very atmospheric / black metal oriented offering a more progressive riff filled / shrieking / light singing techniques. It is a very well thought out tune indeed. My socks flew to Mars by the time it was over!

Now Azordoom gives a crunchy spark to it instead, with some steady drum programed beat to it. It stays constant through out with its pile driving guitar prowess. The finesse of Azzys guitar being played while against his Makumba tummy is unbelievable. Only pizza rolls and sugary powders can bring this type of zaniness all together in a big bowl of doomy riffs and make it sound like something that makes complete sense other then complete nonsense... but who cares! Its a great tune and I LIKE it.

Lets get to the next track called Baked Potato Metal, now this track was the preview track of the album Ascension, and is dedicated to a few friends. Also Alexion is speaking in a rappish type style but is very freaking boiling cool and jive about it. The song bubbles its way up slowly into my nose and shows how much more insane Azzy can get with his high pitched screams about being a dork and I think Will Smith can even appreciate that. Solar Thighs and DBZ, you gotta be kidding me, this is awesome!!!!! Really good lyrics, and this guy here, you might think he become a star like the next Cinderalla, or Winger but I think this piece here is number one on the charts every day in my book even though its in league with master satan and not about 17 yr old girls and ballad 80s baldness.... I am boiling on my couch in its awesomeness at the moment.

Boiling in Eternity is one of those songs that Alexion made that REALLY surprised me, that I did a back flip somersault, landed on a box and realized I crushed Grim's twinkies, he got real mad and ran away home for awhile and cried like a lil girl, but other then that, I like how the track presents itself in the beginning with its soft mellowness and great harmonies. It puts a smile on my face... :) Then it gets heavier and completely throws you off into the black hole with your soul!!! You cant even escape, and I do not mean the album Escape by Azordon but not even light can escape it. The track treads on with more black metal filled darkness ala Ascension track, but is a little more melodic with some toasty buttery goodness I like about it. The song has a lot of toppings and salsa within its crunching and atmospheric microwaved burnt meanings of something greater then my ham and cheese pickled sandwiches. Some cookie monster growls, some riffing greatness, I really appreciate its togetherness, especially the opening of the song. Little Bill loves it.

Day Of Reckoning is a boiling solo filled song with a timeless feel, with the song just taking you to a place that is scarier then going into the mind of Walter Barringer and finally finding out how much he really likes the band Nsync. Oh how wonderful it was... really good tune! Sounds very thrashy and YOU!!! no YOU!!!

Farewell my Friends! sounds like something from Wolfenstein 3D to me whenever I hear it I fill like I am shooting Nazis and going through doors. The song then transforms into a completely different tune with different elements... very smart way to go from this to that... I really like how he does it, wish I did that more often, but the song transforms into a very melancholy filled song with a resonance of a winter wind flying up my skirt and showing everyone whats underneath! Oh how dare you! XD My thighs where at least shaved and drooled on this morning. I like it so much I ll fall asleep listening to it on repeat till I get up and chop up some bagels with my hands and finally go back to bed with cream cheese on my toeeeesssss.
The song is a farewell till Azordon is back to making music I think, but not for long! (Cant wait to hear new Kvasta by the way)

Makumba is a bass oriented track, sounds a bit like the bassist of Faith No More around the time they did the album We Care Alot. No Chuck Mosley here but maybe Tito I guess. Its another song that strays back and forth to heavy, to soft, and is another ohmazing track to top things off with what I heard so far. Dende you can really get into it while watching DBZ Abridged, its just that freaking AWESOME!!1 Clean my couch!!!!

Quake III is the next track on my players list and opens up with a growl that sounds like a monster you kill after he is shot! Oh yes, I like the series, but this is just frigging magical, riffs upon riffs upon riffs upon more riffs!!!!1111!!! Then jumps right into a voice that sounds like he is telling you a secret to where he hides the pc game Diablo III!!! The grooves and riffs mashing my brain as I continue to type... I was playing Quake II just yesterday! :D

The next track on my list is Silver Goblin, opens up with a sample that says I am Alive not sure what that is from but probably from some ohmazing game or movie I need to play or see. The riffs pump me up and get the energy kicked up with a notch of proof as to why Alexion has evolved as a guitarist with the proof in the pudding. The pudding is in the proof here folks. Very strong guitar playing and screechy vocals here. Another favorable and enjoyable song to listen to while running around in the forest with a stick yelling *does fart noise with my tongue and lips*.

Now we get into something completely different, a Morke cover which I very much enjoy, it is just awesome and is a got to be a pretty good representation of the track itself. The drums are pounding the guitar is boiling, the hairs are going up on my skin! If you can manage that you done something right in my book and this is a great cover tune. Did I tell you my socks flew off? I know Walter would not like it but who cares! Morke is Morke! /ff/ Great cover, very interesting stuff. The guitar at the end is the outro I believe to the song but I must hear the actual song before I know for sure. Otherwise, good cover, very tight!

The Gatekeeper on my list is a track that is a acoustic track with The Gatekeeper doing vocals and is very awesome!!! I freaking love it, but he will throw me in the BLACK HOLE if he finds out!!! I will punished!!!! oh no... answer him you maggots!!! Then the song jumps right into some crunchy riffs more of the Gatekeepers style, he likes to put people in the black hole while Alexion plays I think then likes to jump out of the computer screen and scare you half to death! He is a cosmic creature with many powers and is pissed that I am even typing about him at the moment... he sees everything!!! AHHHH!!!!!!!! I think I seen him jump out of my screen... I hide under the covers for the past 5 minutes... He is gone now... I am safe, now I can continue my review.

The last song on my list is Unorthodox Existence, and is a song that touches many feelings with me and is very cool, the intro just sounds like something completely new and fresh, other then Titos underwear. The heaviness then comes in on this one and the boiling just got a little more technical and more powerful.... The braincells are melting away in my head, the skin is flying off my bones and I just been sucked into the black hole!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111........

NOW, I know how it feels to listen to Azordon, I finally understand it, its not about how the music is compared to the image per-say, the image is just a magical thing you either look past or appreciate and enjoy, the music overall is just as stunning and glorious and not alot of people can get their heads around to how great Ascension is. It will always stand the test of time... as Alexions 10th, not 11th!!! but one of his most ohmazing ablums to date. Download it now before I make a blog on how much you like to walk around wearing hot topic pants and how you listen to Hootie and the Blowfish and cover your body in lacerations while watching Dr.Phil baking a zuccuni bread. (I will steal the bread and kick you in the head)

To sum up this review... I really like Ascension and I think it is one of Alexion's best albums to date, and so were the other 17 or so albums before it! But this one really stands out and is something you can not overlook... now beat it!!!! I got some tar bubbling to do.

p.s. Tell me or try to convince me to quit TF zine now! I dare YOU! NO YOU!!!! yeah I ll be back...


1. Baked Potato Metal 02:59
2. Day ov Reckoning 02:40
3. Unorthodox Existence 04:02
4. The Curse of the Solitary Warrior (Morke Cover) 03:01
5. Quake III 04:59
6. Silver Goblin 03:04
7. Ascension 04:27
8. Makumba 05:51
9. The Gatekeeper 03:56
10. Aphids 07:07
11. Azordoom 01:47
12. Boiling through Eternity 04:54
13. Farewell, my Friends! (Bonus track) 02:51 instrumental
51:38

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Azordon/129695047130372

http://www.azordon.blogspot.com

http://www.metal-archives.com/bands/Azordon/3540272620

http://www.reverbnation.com/azordon

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